The Downfall of our Blog

Wowie it has been two years since we wrote a post on this blog. That is a very long time. I’m sure you all (our 32 followers) have been dying to hear where we’ve been and what we’ve been doing so today we are going to tell you. If no one appreciates us though, we will be forced to not post for another two years. That will be very very bad for you. We will not be telling you why this is bad, that is something you must figure out yourself. 

First off, one of us moved away which is very sad. Now we are a five hour drive from each other which is too long. In fact it takes 5 hours and 55 mins to drive, 15 hours and 14 mins to take the train, 116 hours to walk, and 33 hours to bike. That is too much time to spend going anywhere. The only good thing is that where one of us moved to there are now a lot of house centipedes!! Just last night there was one on the wall of a bedroom in my house!! Hooray!!!!

We are now old people!! One of us is 16 and the other is 15 (will be 16 in a few months). WHy are we so old?? When we started this blog we were very small, but now we are large! Amazing! (Also my z key is no longer broken and I’ve had like 2 laptops since then. yay. Though this does make the original domain of the blog a lie so I guess we must simply go to hell now.) 

We have come to the conclusion that high school is very bad and very awful. High school does not need to exist and should simply go away and stop bothering us and everyone else. We hope that you agree with us and if you do not we unkindly” ask you to stop following us.  Speaking of which, why are you following us??? We are very perplexed by the fact that anyone likes us enough to follow this blog that we posted on for an entire three months one summer. We have not posted in two years yet have somehow gained followers in this time.  

Enough about us, the real reason you follow us is because of the wonderful Phil Spector, correct? Phil is sadly still in jail but last year he put his huge mansion up for sale (the same one where he allegedly murdered Lana Clarkson). Here is the zillow listing: https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1700-Grand-View-Dr-Alhambra-CA-91803/20713169_zpid/. You need his house! Please buy it!!! (And please contact us via our “contact form” if you do. And please invite us over since we were the ones who told you about it. If you buy the house and do not do this there will be consequences.)

Now that you’ve purchased his house, let’s discuss the fact that we have gotten 279 views in the past two years but we have not been asked any questions. We are extremely disappointed in all of you. We provide you with FREE content and all we ask of you is to ASK US QUESTIONS!!!!! The reason we stopped posting was probably because of the lack of questions. You made two 14 year olds VERY SAD. You should be ASHAMED.

We will never fully forgive you, but we will try to if you ask us questions now.

We Made a Mockumentary (two years ago)!

Hi! Remember when we said we were writing a mockumentary? Well, we made it! Two years ago!

And now we are finally sharing the script with you!

This is for the one dedicated fan who downloaded the amazing image on our original post about this wonderful hiking mockumentary. (this is the original post)

Click here to read it!!

No one is going to see this because I can’t add tags on my phone which is stupid. (But also these are pictures of sad bored children in school)

These images are a surprise!!!!

And there might not even be any!!!!

Because they aren’t loading!!!!!

And I just randomly clicked on images of “high school” from WordPress!!!!!!

So I don’t know what they are either!!!!!

It probably won’t let me publish it!!!!!!!

This is a really great blog post!!!!!!!!

I made it because I am bored in school!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading!!!!!!

Comment to tell me what the pictures are!!!!!!

And!!!!!!

Ask!!!

Us!!!!

QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QUESTIONS!!!!!

Bye!!!!

POD PEOPLE

The Pod People {or Extra Terrestrial Visitors} is an AMAZING movie.

It’s basically a really weird rip off of E.T

Guess what!

We’re going to be Pod People characters for Halloween!

HeRe’S sOmE pIcTuReS fRoM pOd PeOpLe!!!

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What are YOU going to be for HALLOWEENEEENE??????????

COMMENT!

COMMENT!

COMMENT!

COMMENT!

COMMENT!

 

 

 

Comment!!!!

 

REVIEW OF WIKIHOW’S ARTICLE: HOW TO FAKE YOUR OWN DEATH

I was going to review a wiki how article on how to murder someone but there isn’t one and it’s VERY sad.

The first step tells you to “decide if you really want to do this” which is probably a good idea. The next step tells you that “you cannot use email accounts, memberships, cell-phones, or any other personal details from your old life, after you have faked your own death.” which is also good advice. The next one basically tells you to be careful and not give your self away, which is a very smart thing to do. Step 4 tells you to “decide on a death method” they suggest a suicide where the body would be hard to find, or getting lost at sea. Both of those would work pretty well, but I think the lost at sea is better because it has transportation tied in with it, which is nice. The next step is to “do it” which is the best idea I’ve heard yet. Then it says you have to not contact anyone you know and lie low for a few weeks, which is good.  Then it says you have to make your alternate identity, and it gives you advice on how to do that, all of which was pretty good. One of the pieces of advice is to “embrace leather”, which is pretty great. Then you have to make a fake ID, which is a good idea. The last few steps are also good. That’s pretty impressive! I’ll give it a 9/10.

The q&a section this article is AMAZING and I would HIGHLY recommend looking at it.

https://www.wikihow.com/Fake-Your-Own-Death

 

 

Phil Spector Quotes

I’m dealing in rock’n’roll. I’m, like, I’m not a bona fide human being.

 

The gun went off accidentally.

 

Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

 

The best part of breaking up… is when you’re making up.

 

Paul McCartney has a voice that can do anything!

 

God won’t let me into heaven because I’m too evil.

 

People tell me they idolize me, want to be like me, but I tell them, ‘trust me, you don’t want my life.’ I’ve been a very tortured soul.

 

 

REVIEWING LIFE HACKS

Use a hanging shoe rack to hang cleaning supplies (and keep them away from kids)

The storing cleaning supplies part of this is good, but I don’t understand how this is going to keep them away from kids.

6/10

 

Heavy sleeper? Tired of snoozing past your alarm? Use the ‘smartphone in a cup’ trick to increase the volume.

Have you tried turning the volume on your phone all the way up?

3/10

 

Take pictures of friends holding items you’ve lent them with your iPhone, so you will remember down the road.

This one is pretty good because it’s annoying when people steal stuff from you, although if you don’t remember that it’s missing you probably don’t really want it back.

7/10

 

 

Rub stuck zipper teeth with a graphite pencil tip to fix them.

Why would this work?

1/10

 

Do something unusual while locking the door before a long trip etc to remember that you’ve definitely done it.

Why?

2/10

 

Take a picture of your fridge and you’ll never struggle to remember what to buy at the grocery!

You should just make a list before you go because not all food is stored in the fridge and you can’t see the stuff that isn’t there by just looking at your fridge.

1/10

 

Pineapple juice is five times more effective than cough syrup. It also prevents colds and the flu.

I highly doubt this.

1/10

 

Put a blue ink cartridge into a red pen, because no one ever steals a red pen.

Why does no one ever steal a red pen? Red pens are fun!

1/10

 

Drink a glass of water while drinking coffee

I don’t understand…

0/10

 

These are the places I got those awesome life hacks from!

View at Medium.com

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/100-life-hacks-that-make-life-easier.html

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

QUOTES FROM OUR STUPID FRIENDS

“Cuz he a gamer he a steam account”

“”opened camera” I am Fear”

“???? nani”

“One time I ate thes something from red lobster thats was called crab sphere”

“The memory was placed in ur brain by god”

“crab sphere!!!!!!!!”

“what if crab spheres are a aligory for human kind”

“Heck my guy”

“Y’all see my diy tutorial”

 

 

 

A REALLY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

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What you’re going to be saying about OUR movie if we LET you see it

WE’RE MAKING A MOCKUMENTARY! I DON’T KNOW IF WE’LL SHARE IT WITH YOU BECAUSE OUR FACES WILL BE IN IT BUT WE’RE MAKING A MOCKUMENTARY AND IT’S GOING TO BE GREAT. IT’S ABOUT SOME PEOPLE WHO GO ON A HIKE. THAT SOUNDS REALLY BORING BUT TRUST ME IT’S THE GREATEST.

Craigslist #4

These are fun to make and people seem to like them so I’m doing another addition of craigslist. You can’t stop me.

 

 

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Why? Why would you do this? Why so much ice water? Why the lettuce? I personally think this is some weird christian recruitment method because of the fact that it says you should NOT accept Jesus into your life but then it makes you read the bible a lot.

 

 

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Sure your guinea pig is Princess Diana. Who names their guinea pigs after the royal family? And then proceeds to say their guinea pigs are fans of the royal family? I don’t think they’re quite as smart as you think they are. Also like Camilla was so awful to Diana. Why would Diana be kind to Camilla in her next life? This very weird as they say it sounds.

 

 

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You do know that there is a kind of ginseng called… American Ginseng?

 

 

 

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I really can’t tell if this person is joking or not but it sure is great either way. “ATHETITS” Amazing

 

 

 

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Canadian tomatoes?! WTH?!

 

 

That concludes another round of “people are stupid and here’s some stuff they do”.

FRIGHTENED PEOPLE, HOUSE CENTIPEDE, DEAD HOUSE CENTIPEDE, SAD PERSON

These people are scared.

They’re scared of this:

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It’s a house centipede.

The people shouldn’t be scared.

The house centipede wont hurt them (unless it’s one that hides underneath a green croc, then they’re doomed)

The people won’t believe me, so then they MURDERED the house centipede!

young beautiful hispanic sad woman serious and concerned looking worried and thoughtful facial expression feeling depressed isolated grey background in sadness and sorrow emotion

Now everyone is very sad.

This is very sad.

DON’T MURDER THE INNOCENT HOUSES CENTEPIDES

 

Today’s News From 1897

These are from August 2nd because for some reason nobody had any from August 1st

 

Over A Precipice

College Professor Dashed to Death.

 

The entire police force of Kalamazoo are to be mounted on bicycles in the near future. “It takes a thief to catch a thief, ” and it takes a bicycle to catch a bicycle.

 

Battle Creek Is flooded with counterfeit money.

 

A Bronson man has a fig tree with a good crop of figs on it are ripening

 

Greenville young ladies have leap frog parties.

 

These are the day when lucky men. Whom nature has built thin, Do meet their obese brethren. And grin, and grin, and grin. —Cincinnati Enquirer

 

NOVEL DEATH FIGHTS

SOME QUEER WESTERN METHODS OF SETTLING DISPUTES.

 

A TENNIS ROMANCE.

 

Those people who may be unfortunate enough to have taken to artificial teeth should use exceeding circumspection when they go down to the sea in ships. ‘What a splendid dentist sea sickness is! I had the whole of my teeth pulled out at one vomit,” said a patient to the doctor one morning. Several dentists have stated that it is by no means an uncommon occurrence for persons to finish a voyage in a practically toothless condition.

This is going to be THE MOST POPULAR blog post EVER

The top three most searched for types of blog posts (according to this blog) are:

Fashion, food, and travel

This post is going to combine ALL THREE of those things to make THE MOST POPULAR BLOG POST EVER.


I’ll start off with FASHION

I am THE MOST fashionable person EVER, so I’ll just tell you what I wear.

I pretty much always wear a T- shirt and pants or shorts.

My t-shirts vary in color, but I think all my pants and shorts are either black or gray.

For shoes I either wear tennis shoes or keens.

If you do all those things every day you might take my place as THE MOST fashionable person EVER!

(Don’t wear jeans, jeans are bad)


FOOD

The BEST food EVER is MARGARINE BREAD, but we already have a post about that: READ ABOUT MARGARINE BREAD. NOW!

I made ZUCCHINI BREAD today cause zucchini bread is awesome, so here’s a picture of that.

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For some tips on the best ways to eat eggs go here: EGG LIFE HACK

And then go HERE because pie is GREAT.


TRAVEL

I went to a place SOMEWHERE in Pennsylvania.

There were:

  • Trees
  • Rain

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This is the end of THE MOST POPULAR BLOG POST EVER.

 

 

ASK US QUESTIONS YOU FOOLS

Since you people won’t ask us questions for some reason we’re going to try a different strategy. We’re going to ask you questions! Also, you WILL NOT get your head chopped off if you ask us questions.

WE WON’T STOP POSTING QUESTIONS UNTIL ONE OF YOU ASKS US A QUESTION!

 

Have you ever been involved with the government?

Have you killed a snake with your bare hands?

How do you fix an iron when it won’t get hot anymore?

how to preserve pig intestines in SEVEN easy steps

Do you ever think hm maybe today I should preserve some pig intestines but then you realie you don’t know how? Well today I’ll tell you how.

 

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Step ONE: Get some intestines.

You can’t find these at a regular grocery store so you’ll probably have to call a slaughterhouse. Also order the SMALL INTESTINE because the small intestine is really big and the large intestine is even bigger. Trust me in me saying that you’ll have enough intestine. Pigs are bigger than you think they are.

Step TWO: Find a jar and some rubbing alcohol.

Find the jar you’d like to preserve your intestines in. It can be any sie you want it to be as long as you have enough alcohol to fill it. Also make sure the percentage on your rubbing alcohol isn’t above 80% (I think, don’t trust me on this) or else the intestines will get all wrinkly.

Step THREE: Protect your area!

Put some plastic drop clothes down and get some buckets, one for dumping the intestines in and another for rinsing your smaller portion of intestine you’ll be preserving in. Put on some sturdy gloves and have a sink ready.

STep Four: Cut the intestine to your desired length.

It’s good to have a little bit of room in the jar, don’t shove it too tight or make it too long.

 

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Step FIVE: Squeeze the partially digested food out of the intestine.

This is the worst step but you’ve gotta do it. squeeze the intestine from the top to the bottom, rinsing intestine and changing water in between squeeing it. Once all the stuff is squeezed out just give it a good few rinses to make sure everything is out.

 

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Step SIX: Put intestine in jar and bleach supplies

Wash jar before you put intestine in it, place intestine in the jar and then pour rubbing alcohol on it. Secure lid. Then bleach all the supplies you used.

Step SEVEN: Change alcohol when needed

Sometimes the water will get cloudy and you’ll need to change the alcohol. To do this dump the intestines in a bucket and dump out the alcohol in a sink. Then put the intestines back in the jar and replace the alcohol. If you feel like the intestines should be rinsed then go ahead and rinse them. This possibly needs to be done up to three times.

Now you have your very own preserved intestines! Good job! I think this would work with any other animal’s intestines. Share your results with me if you make it!

Phil Spector!

IMG_20170121_111903_032 This is Phil!

He has AMAZING (poofily) hair! Or at least he did when that picture was taken. Over the years Phil has struggled A LOT with his hair. Here are a few other pictures of Phil when he had sad, sad hair.

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Phil used to be a music producer for The Ronnets and THE BEATLES (and some other groups). WOWIE.

He also invented the WALL OF SOUND, which is a “music production formula”, but it’s complicated so if you want to you can read this WIKIPEDIA article about it! LINK!

While he was doing all of his musicy he threatened to kill a few people, held a few people at gunpoint, and trapped his wife in a box.

 

In 2009 Phil was WRONGLY ACCUSED for the murder of actress, Lana Clarkson.

Lana was shot with a gun and was found dead in Phil’s mansion in 2003.

Phil claimed that Lana kissed the gun and accidentally committed suicide.

Apparently the judge and jury peoples didn’t believe that, so he was sentenced to 19 years in jail.

 

In jail Phil does not wear his wig.

Yes, that amazing hair from before was a WIG, I know, it’s SHOCKING.

Phil with no wig is very scary.

Here are his mug shots.

 

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For some more in depth and more interesting theories and stories about Phil and other related things, you should look through this website. LINK!

 

Comment whether you thing Phil is innocent or guilty!

And…

ASK US QUESTIONS!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gen Z COOl KIDS

I’m a member of the great generation called generation Z. I personally don’t relate to 90% of the stuff out there about gen Z because I’m special and so I’m going to respond to some stuff people are saying about gen Z.

Many employers are predicting that more teens, between the ages of 16 and 18 will go straight into the workforce, opting out of the traditional route of higher education, and instead finishing school online, if at all. Would you make a major investment, possibly leading to years of debt to come—knowing there are new, more affordable (not to mention more convenient) online alternatives coming up every day? (Huffington Post, 8 Key Differences between Gen Z and Millennials)

Who the heck is just not going to go to college? Like that’s a really bad idea. You have to have a degree to have so many jobs nowadays. 65% of jobs require a college degree and I’m guessing the rest are low paying retail jobs. Do you really want that to be your future?

Teens spend a median of five hours a day on their phone, according to the survey. But the time spent ranges considerably.

The top 25% said they spend seven hours a day on their phone — practically every moment they’re not sleeping or in school. And the bottom 25% uses it for three hours.

Ok I probably use my phone for five hours a day when I’m like really bored and just don’t want to do anything but who actually uses their phone for seven hours a day. A lot of my friends are like I use my phone at one in the morning and it’s like what the heck. STOP. You’re going to DIE.

The hottest slang words of the moment are lit, bet, shook, yeet, key, and slay. (Business Insider)

Please STOP. The only time these should ever be used is IRONICALLY to make FUN OF STUPID TEENAGERS. DO NOT SAY THESE UNIRONICALLY OR I WILL PERSONALLY MURDER YOU. Also I have not heard anyone say “bet” or seen it any where. SO please don’t say it ever.

Lots of teens said they were addicted to keeping up Snapchat streaks, which are consecutive days of exchanging Snaps with another person. Some said they would accrue hundreds of days of consecutive Snapchats, which is signified by a flame emoji next to the contact’s name and the number of days where a streak was maintained. (Business Insider)

Personal opinion: snapchat is dumb and I’ve never used it.

I’m not going to talk about politics because why

Hey if you want a generation Z to answer any of your questions there are two here, so ask away! Please! Please ask us quesTIONS!

CRAIGSLIST #3

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Oh no! They can’t get their FAVORITE SANDWICH anymore! What are they going to do!

 

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So witty. Totally worthy for the public to see.

 

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Beautiful handmade creative art! Only 10 bucks a pop as well! Man, such a great deal.

 

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I think someones going to drink this in the near future. This is craigslist.

 

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I don’t believe this person graduated high school. Just a thought.

 

That concludes craigslist #3. Craigslist is an easy place to find people to make fun of! You should try it too!

Would You Rather?

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Would you rather is a pretty fun game. Here are 10 would you rather questions! Comment what you would rather!

Would you rather have to collect bugs or go to a therapist?

Would you rather not be able to tell the difference between a ghost and a banana or not know what a myth is?

Would you rather lay on the ground in a wide space or a narrow one?

Would you rather go on a slip n slide made of ice or made of syrup?

Would you rather go to a graveyard and yell “Wow there’s a lot of dead people here” or a corn field and yell “wow there’s a lot of corn here”?

Would you rather have to give all of your cash to your dog forever or have to give all your coins to your dog forever?

Would you rather patch your coat with salami or ham?

Would you rather kidnap someone with a piece of party ribbon or a string cheese?

Would you rather have to re-write the national anthem or the declaration of independence?

Would you rather be unfashionable or unlawful?

 

ASK US QUESTIONS

We have asked you to ask us questions TWICE! You have still failed to do so. This is NOT ACCEPTABLE. You NEED to ask us questions! You must have a question about SOMETHING, everyone does. We know EVERYTHING, so we will be able to answer ANY question 100% correctly. This is the third time we are asking you to ask us questions if you don’t this time you will get A LONG TIME OUT, which is the worst punishment you could ever get. SO, ASK US ABOUT STUFF!!!!!!!!

20 Really Great Blog Post Ideas

Wow I can’t think of anything to post so I’m just going to post some blog post ideas.

  1. Post that you’re going to do “something secret” on a random date and then don’t do anything because you’re lazy.
  2. If you’re a student post all the answers to that test you just took! I’m sure everyone will appreciate that!
  3. Do a bedroom tour! But be creative, make a poll for your readers to vote on what part of your bedroom they hate the most! Gotta get that negativity.
  4. Make a tutorial on how to make toast.
  5. Write a joke but make it really really bad. You can’t write a good joke so why try to?
  6. Make a contest where the prize is one penny.
  7. Just start an argument with someone! That’s always fun.
  8. Post pictures from when you travel but only pictures of the ground.
  9. Make up a bunch of stories about yourself but say they’re true.
  10. Invite someone to guest post but like make them write about throwing peanuts in a graveyard. Trust me. It’ll be great and nobodies going to think you’re weird.
  11. Disprove the myth that therapy actually works! Or some other absurd myth. Whatever floats your boat.
  12. Pick a date in history and talk about all the bank robberies there were on that day.
  13. Write a play about your life and publish it.
  14. Ask for tips on how to eavesdrop. I don’t think you can ever get enough.
  15. Do a Q&A (P.S. You should go and ASK US QUESTIONS IN OUR ASK US QUESTIONS POST) (PLEASE)
  16. Rant about how you hate bit coin. I know you do. It’s time let that rage out.
  17. Learn how to run a lighthouse and then tell us how to do it. Tell me how to do it. I really want to know how to run a lighthouse. Please.
  18. Find another persons blogpost and just tell us how much you hate it.
  19. Tell us your secrets about bulletin board manufacturing.
  20. Create a list of your favorite places to throw leaves at.

Critiquing Wikihow Drawings: Man Holding Shiba Inus

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Description

This picture was made by an unknown artist for wikihow at an unknown date. The picture appears to show a man holding two puppies which are shiba inus according to the article it came from. There is another man standing with his back to the viewer. The background is a monochrome light blue.

 

Analysis

There appears to be a simple overhead light source. The drawing appears to be rather two dimensional. The artist has chosen to leave little white space in the area between and around the two men. The artist uses a rather simplistic color palette of brown, tan, red, blue, and light blue. Brush strokes are similar in size besides the light digital airbrushing. There’s a contrast between the man’s red shirt and the rest of the piece. The shapes are very rotund. Movement is created in the way the man holds the puppies, creating a swish of motion to the left and right.

 

Interpretation

There’s a sense of confusion throughout this whole piece. The colors around the man and the mans red shirt seem to suggest that the man might be feeling anger or other negative emotions. We’re left with a sense of mystery from the man with his back facing the viewer.

 

Evaluation

I do not believe this image successfully uses the elements. The purpose of the image is to simply depict shiba inus, which to me look nothing like shiba inus. The anatomy is simply off, the left arm seems to be coming from nowhere.

EGG LIFE HACK

NOOOOOOOO, I RELOADED THE PAGE AND THEN IT DELETED EVERYTHING, SO I GUESS I’M WRITING IT AGAIN

You know those times when you want to eat an egg, but you don’t want to cook it in any way?

Now, you could do the easiest thing, which would be cracking the egg open and just eating the raw egg. But if you’re a sensible human being you most likely don’t want to do that.

So, you need to freeze it. This will make the egg VERY hard, and next to impossible to break open.

To break the egg open you should run it over with a car, which will give you the look of an omelet (with a nice car tire texture), the texture of a popsicle, and the wonderful taste of a raw egg!

This is my favorite way to enjoy an egg, especially on a hot summer day! It is wonderfully delicious!

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CRAIGSLIST #2

Craigslist is a strange, strange place. Here’s some of the strangest things on it…

 

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He really needs to be instructed on how to become civilized!!

 

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I “really” needed to know your opinion on this.

 

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Not sure what saying I have the power would do for road rage besides make you angrier.

 

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I guess you shouldn’t sign up with Lowes. This person on craigslist says so so it has to be legit.

 

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Ok….

 

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I guess I won’t go to the grocery store on a Sunday morning! #smh

 

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Thanks for letting us know.

 

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I guess your marriage has to be preformed by a christian or else you will get DiVORCed. Good to know.

 

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Don’t you want him to do your spray foam?

 

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Uh oh I guess I’m stupid now.

 

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Hmm. I guess his argument does make a lot of sence. We’re just going to use up all the oxygen on earth.

 

Craigslist is pretty terrible! It’s a place where stupid people think their opinions matter! Which is never a good thing.

EMUS BEAT AUSTRALIA

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Emus are large birds that are pretty dorky. In 1932 emus decided that they would go and wreck some farmers crops in Australia. I mean I guess the people kind of put things where their breeding grounds were, but still, not cool emus. Australia though, wasn’t going to just let the emus do their thing and like wreck their whole economy and progress. At first the settlers decided to take into their own hands and shot 3,000 emus themselves. Eventually they contacted the minister of defense. They decided they would go and shoot the emus with machine guns they got from world war one. They enlisted like actual military to shoot emus. Sounds like a solid plan.

So they started the war. They thought that they were going to win because emus are just dorky birds but yeah that’s not exactly how it went. The emus decided to hide behind trees and in bushes and they actually figured out that if you stood far enough away the soldiers couldn’t get a clear shot. The soldiers tried to ambush them which didn’t work. Also shooting them didn’t really kill them. They seemed to survive for quite a while after being shot and it’s said that less than 10 bullets wouldn’t kill them. So they fired A LOT of bullets only killing around 900-1,000 emus. They had a 1:10 shot ratio, which is really, really bad.

The soldiers were called back in defeat and eventually the emus left because they ran out of crops to eat. Emus won a war against the Australian military and destroyed a bunch of farmers crops in the process. Wow.

 

AMAZING Wall Stickers on Amazon!

WallMonkeys has some awesome wall stickers!


 

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That’s a large sandwich.

 


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Amazingness

 


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That lady is so enthusiastic about her muffins that she is trying to escape from your wall to feed them to you.

 


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This is awesome.

 


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This was in the unicorn category. It must be like a unicorn penguin thing!

 


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A FAKE WINDOW! YAY!

 


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Scary…

 


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Yum

 


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Awwwwwww

 


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. . .

 


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That lady got frozen and stuck in a wall right as she was about to brush her teeth. NOW SHE WILL HAVE BAD BREATH FOREVER. This is very sad.

 


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Wowieee, it’s a sticker of a Christmas tree that costs the same amount as a real one!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 


 

Is your house up to code?

Untitled drawing (1).jpgThis took me way too long to make so you better enjoy it.

Do you have a sign on the wall that says THERE ARE NO RATS IN THIS HOME?
You can provide a taxidermy case on the wall with the only rat that was ever in the house as well as a sign with story of the rat and how it’s the only rat that was ever in your house.
You’ve gone the extra mile and provided us with proof. Thank you. Now we know for sure there are NO rats.
I do not have a sign on the wall that says THERE ARE NO RATS IN THIS HOME.
How will anyone now you don’t have rats in your house? This is a disgrace to the business of owning a house.
I have a sign on the wall that says THERE ARE NO RATS IN THIS HOME.
Great job. You didn’t provide proof but I guess it’s alright. Everyone knows you don’t have rats and that’s the way it should be.
Does your wall have a lot of bumps in it?
No it doesn’t, I pity the people with wall bumps
That’s great as long as you still have your central wall bump.
Yes it does and I don’t know what to do.
Something is wrong with your house and your life. Get help.
Yes they were an artistic choice.
At this company we put priority on artistic choices. You passed.
Do you have intricate satanic murals painted on your fridge?
Yes, who doesn’t?
Great answer. You passed
No, who does?
You’re an ignorant fool. You don’t pass.
Has an airplane ever flown through the roof of your house?
No I’ve never had an airplane fly through my house.
That’s alright but how do we know your house isn’t a wimp? You passed for now but we might commission an airplane to fly through your roof.
Yes and it damaged it badly.
Terrible. Awful. You do NOT pass and I advise you to stop this qui and work on your issues right now.
Yes but my house is not a wimp. The airplane got blown to smithereens as soon as it hit the roof.
This is the best answer. You’ve provided us solid proof your house is not a wimp.
How many burglar alarms do you have?
51-100
This is the perfect number of alarms. No one can ever burglar you. You passed.
1-50
Too few. You are going to get ROBBED living like this.
What are burglar alarms? I just sit by my door all night every night with my automatic.
I’m glad you’re so dedicated but that doesn’t work. Ninjas wear black so you can’t see them and then they karate chop your head and steal your wife’s really expensive dentures.
How many concerts (of any sie) have you held in your house?
21-50
Good. You know how to party but you haven’t stressed your house out too much. You pass.
I’ve lost count.
Hm I’m afraid that’s not going to cut it. You’ve probably seriously damaged your house at this point. You don’t pass.
None. Concerts are against my religion.
That’s unacceptable. You’re never going to get anywhere not knowing how to party. You don’t pass.
2-20
Not enough. Your house is an uncultured buffoon. You don’t pass.
What are the railings in your house made out of?
10k gold of course!
You’ve passed with flying colors! Everyone knows that only rich people own houses and this will show off how rich you are.
Ice of course!
Ice is just going to melt and then your floor will be wet. This is a terrible answer and you don’t pass.
Wood of course!
Are you stupid? Wood is the poor man’s hand rail. You don’t pass.
Diamonds of course!
YES! This is even better than gold. It adds to your house’s structural integrity and makes sure everyone knows you are rich. You pass.
Have you ever, I repeat EVER had a tiger infestation in your house?
No! I have NEVER had a TIGER infestation!
Good for you. You pass.
Yes, sadly. The neighbors down the road got one through suspicious circumstances and then all the sudden we got one through suspicious circumstances. Suspicious if you ask me.
Too suspicious. You don’t pass.
Is your property a horse ranch
No
Terrible. Terrible. You and your family should be ashamed. You do not pass.
Yes!
Awesome. Your house is up to code! You pass.
Yes but the horses are wild.
You’re pushing it but you still pass.
If your house is in America (which it should be), do you have an eagle statue above your doorway?
Yes, it came with the house.
I don’t see much patriotism here but at least you have one. You pass.
No, I hate America.
Wow. I am disgusted. You do not pass.
Yes, I had it hand carved by the most American person I know, the founding fathers! Except for the founding fathers are dead so I went to mount rushmore and took a piece of wood with me. Then I climbed down the cliff until I got to where their heads are and rubbed the wood away into the perfect American eagle.
Amazing dedication. We condone this level of patriotism to the highest extent. You PASS.

If you got more than five right your house passed!

Wow! Did your house pass the inspection?

Stock Pictures of DOGS

Dogs are pretty great and so are stock images so here are some stock images of dogs. (captions included)

 

Review of WikiHow’s Article: “How to Sneak Around at Night (for Kids)”

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This is the first step, it’s ok but not really necessary.   7/10

 

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Why is black such a bad idea? Sure, dark blue or purple might be better, but if you don’t want to be seen black is a lot better than most colors.  But you might not want to wear dark colors because that will make you more suspicious looking.  5/10

 

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This is another reason why you shouldn’t wear dark clothes, just wear whatever you normally sleep in so that your parents don’t get suspicious of why you’re wearing all dark purple. This is a good thing to do, though. 9/10

 

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You would be able to hear if there was a river. 7/10

 

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This one isn’t necessary. Although it might be a good idea, it doesn’t really matter if you get too cold. 4/10

 

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Smart! 10/10

 

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I guess your might bark at you, but your other pets don’t have to be asleep. 9/10

 

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“you can’t be arrested for having a stick” is my new favorite quote, so this is a 10/10.

 

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Smart idea. 9/10

 

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This is an ok idea, I guess, but I think it would be a lot eaier and would probably make the same amount of noise to just go out a door. Also, even windows on the bottom floor are up like 4 feet in the air, and while you don’t need a latter for that, I would suggest jumping out instead of stepping out. 6/10

 

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All good ideas, but it telling you to bring a flashlight contradicts the thing it said earlier about it being dark and so you should be careful to not fall into ditches and rivers. 8/10

 

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This is definatly the weirdest and worst step. Why are your family members randomly coming into your room in the middle of the night? Thats a little weird. And putting a note that says you’re under the blankets is incredably stupid, what you could do is leave a note on your door hat says do not disturb.  The doll hair is also not a very good idea, most people won’t fall for that. The snoring is another very bad idea. 2/10

 

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Good. 10/10

 

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Good. 9/10

 

Link to article

 

Some Really Awesome Things To Do

Wow! It’s summer and if you’re not one of those LOSERS who has a JOB you have a lot of time to do stuff. Here are eight fun things to do this summer!

  1. Throw plates out of the window of your car while blasting your favorite song. This works the best if you throw them at people (that you hate).
  2. Throw tomatoes at someone who does something wrong on stage! But, don’t you think it’s such a waste to throw a whole tomato, what if you miss? Slice the tomatoes so you have more shots! Throwing tomatoes at people is always fun to do and especially fun if you can hit them more times!
  3. Pick out a recipe for something. Then, ride your bike (YOU HAVE TO RIDE YOUR BIKE) to the local dollar store (not anything above ONE DOLLAR (those DOn’t count))and buy all the ingredients there, and if they don’t have them just don’t use that ingredient. It doesn’t matter if it’s something really important like flour. It will turn out fine, trust me.
  4. Get a bunch of soap and just cut it up. Don’t do anything else. Just cut it. How you cut it depends on what you want out of your soap cutting experience.
  5. Getting rich is the ultimate fun thing to do, right? Wanna know the secret to getting rich quick? Rob a bank. It’ll occupy quite a bit of your time planning out your elaborate robbery and you’ll have even more fun robbing the bank. Then when you’re done you’ll have a bunch of money. Awesome!
  6. You know what’s even more fun than tipping cows? Dumping a bucket of ash on them! Your local farmer is going to be so confused when all their cows have ash on them. Maybe he’ll even go to the local papers and tell them about his peculiar situation. Imagine that!
  7. Ever seen a gallon milk jug and just thought “man that thing is really ugly”? Well I’m pretty sure the majority of the population has. I for one, think milk jugs are a plight to our society. So why not make that milk jug look nice and decorate it. Draw a face on it and give it a cute little bow. Make it so pretty that no man could resist it’s temptations…
  8. You know that crazy invention you’ve been working on? Or that one that’s been collecting dust in your drawer for years? Maybe now’s the time to truly patent it! You never know if you’ll be the next Elon Musk! Get up and do it! Right now!!!

Wives Tales are Dumb

Of course there are a lot of very dumb wives tales because people are superstitious dummies.

 

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Apparently this scripture stops bleeding: And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in  thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live.

We tried it and it did not work at all. This one is just cray religious people. Saying a bunch of words won’t make anything happen if you’re profusely bleeding. Please don’t use this and kill someone because you’re too stupid to call a doctor. Think about your actions.

 

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The last to leave a graveyard after a funeral is destined to be the next to die.

The morbid version of catching the wedding bouquet! Hooray!

 

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Never cut a babies nails before they’re a year old, bite them off. If you cut them off, the baby will grow up to steal.

This one is just completely absurd. Don’t bite your babies nails. Please.

 

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If a cold chill runs down your spine, a rabbit just ran over your future grave.

Um? Why does this one even need to exist? It’s so weirdly specific. How is this useful to anyone. I think you’re just cold. Go home, put on a sweater, and stop babbling about rabbits and your future grave.

 

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If a mother ends up marking her child through pregnancy with a birth mark in the shape of what frightened her or scared her, she can lick the mark for nine mornings in a row and it will disappear as the child grows.

Don’t lick your child. Just don’t. 

 

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Place a woman’s menstrual cloth in a bird’s nest and she’ll go mad and crazy.

Mkay… Again why is this useful? I guess if you needed to like make someone go cray for some revenge plot this could be useful. But what happens to the birds who’s nest you put the menstrual cloth in? Like, their nest now has a bloody rag in it. Poor birds.

 

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To get rid of warts, steal someone’s dishcloth and bury it, the warts will disappear. This one also doesn’t work and why would it! 

 

In conclusion, wives tales suck and are for weird people who lick babies.

More Joke Things From my Math Homework

Why was the engineer driving the train backwards?

He had a loco- motive

 

Why are babies like hinges?

They are things to adore

 

What happens to a dog who eats table scraps?

He gets splinters in his tongue

 

Did you hear about the cat who joined the red cross because it wanted to help a first aid kit?

 

What do you call a sore on a police officer’s foot?

Corn on the cop

 

The reason why escaped bank robbers always run to canada is because that is the only place they have toronto.

 

*Pic of a square tennis ball*

What is the title of this picture?

Tennis ball (Factory reject)

 

 

 

DELAWARE DOES NOT EXIST

THE GOVERNMENT IS HIDING SOMETHING IN THE PLACE THEY CALL DELAWARE

#DELAWARENESS


I went to Delaware’s official website and found a bunch of things that hint at Delaware being fake.


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“Policy to begin April 1st” April 1st is April fools day, IT’S ALL A PRANK.

 

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They REALLY want you to visit– SO THEY CAN KIDNAP YOU!

 

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These are obviously just stock images

 

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They act like they care about you– but if they really cared they would put this somewhere people would actually look, not their website.

 

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Again, acting like they care.

 

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It’s a fake rubix cube!– MORE FAKE STUFF!

 

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“This is a test post” It’s a fake post– MORE FAKE STUFF!

 

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The government will spy on you and kidnap you for whatever they are doing in the so-called “Delaware.”


Think about this– Have you ever met anyone who has said they’re from Delaware? Most likely not.

You never hear about anything interesting happening in Delaware, even on their website, it’s just a bunch of boring, normal stuff.

There are many people who have mysteriously gone missing and have never been found. My theory is that the government kidnapped them and they are stored in “Delaware”


Comment your thoughts on “Delaware”!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rating Cult Websites (and some background about the cults)

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Heaven’s Gate believes that another, higher, life form will come to earth and take them away to become higher life forms themselves. Their leader was Do, and from what I can see he still might be but there’s also Hale-Bopp who might be taking the position. From what I can see this cult is pretty dead.

Their website is incredibly 90’s but I kind of like it. It adds charm to it and it’s also a little mysterious. Like are they still active? Everything on the website is dated 1997. So. Yeah. I’m also concerned about the red alert at the top, what does it mean? I definitely don’t think the content is great. It leaves a lot of questions unanswered. Also they have a book and it costs 45 dollars. That is way too much.

I give this website a 7/10. Design’s iffy but fitting, but content is a minus.

 

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Now this one is weird. They are a cult, or at least were, but they really really try to gloss over the fact. When they started in 1978, they did promote christian values, but they also seriously promoted both incest and sex among children. This made a breeding ground for pedophiles and incest among family members and children. There was even a huge herpes outbreak. They continue to, controversially, practice polyamory to this day.

Their website is ok. It looks strangely like those landing pages for when domain names expire. It’s very gray. The font also looks way too much like times new roman to be ok. It just looks pretty boring. Accessibility is ok. There’s not much to say about this website. It’s just really boring

6/10. Really boring.

 

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This cult is weird. They appear to kind of be like the amish. But with more racism and allegations of child abuse. The leader has said that homosexuals should be executed. They beat children consistently and I really don’t know how this cult continues to be legally allowed to exist with how terrible it is.

Their website is nice. It actually looks decent. Their logo isn’t bad. The buttons in the header could use a revamp but besides that it’s nice. I really don’t understand exactly what they’re about though. There’s no about page or mission so that’s bad.

8/10 looks nice but not informative.

 

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This cult believes that a race of aliens called the elohim created humans and then left us and that we need to prepare for their return. They also really like human cloning and are currently advocating to put in an elohim embassy. Fun.

This website is ugly. There’s way too much brown. The weird distressed pattern and the font just make it kinda blah. It’s also really overpowering and complicated. I would simplify this quite a lot. Their message is easy to find which is pretty nice. Things are more accessible than some of the other websites I’ve seen.

7/10 it’s decent

 

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This one is kind of a cult and kind of a religion. El Cantare is their deity. They’ve done some controversial things such as release a video that claims North Korea is going to invade Japan after nuclear warfare. They have their own political party for some reason. Master Okawa is their leader. They kind of believe in aliens and just… they’re weird.

The website is ok. It’s a lot like the family international website. It’s boring. It’s yellow. The fonts are terrible. The kerning is terrible. It’s also pretty hard to tell what they are about. I had to look at some other websites to figure it out. They have a live chat which is cool.

5/10. Not functional and bad design.

 

There seems to be a strange theme of not giving good information about what the cult is. It would be better if more cults gave informative information about what they stand for. I’m sure they would recruit a lot more people. If you want another edition of this let me know.

 

Awesome Jokes From my Math Worksheets

According to some students, what is the true purpose of homework?

It’s for halving fun

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Why did Gyro go into a bakery?

Just for the smell of it

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Photo by Igor Ovsyannykov on Pexels.com

What happened to the glass blower who inhaled?

He got a pane in his stomach

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What is the proper thing to say when you introduce a hamburger?

Meet Patty

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What did the toothless old termite say when he entered a tavern?

Is the bar tender here?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

AMELIA EARHART WAS EATEN BY CRABS

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Wow! Did you know that today was the day Amelia Earhart disappeared? Even today, 78 years later, it remains a mystery as to how she disappeared. We know that Amelia and her navigator vanished on July 2nd, 1939 somewhere over the pacific ocean, but we really don’t know what exactly happened to them. The government says that she crashed in the pacific, but we all know we can’t trust the government. Anything could’ve happened to her. Here are some really weird theories about her disappearance.

  1. She was eaten by coconut crabs.

So apparently there are these really large crabs that live on some specific atoll in Hawaii that she could’ve crashed near. Once she crashed in the ocean she could’ve swam to the island and died of starvation or something like that and been eaten by the coconut crabs. I mean this theory is pretty biarre because there are a lot of factors that would have to go into making this happen. Also somebody would’ve probably showed up at the island before she got to the point of starvation. This is a very dumb theory.

2. She assumed a fake identity in New Jersey.

Some people think that Amelia was captured by the Japanese, then rescued by a catholic priest and returned to the US. For some reason, they said Amelia’s new identity was this lady named Irene Bolam. That lady got pretty angry about them saying this about her and filed a 1.5 million dollar lawsuit against them. I don’t know about you, but this one seems pretty implausible to me. Also what happened to her navigator? They just left him in prison to die? This is a bad theory that is pretty impossible.

3. Her navigator was drunk.

That’s pretty much the whole theory, that he was drunk and then the plane crashed. I guess her navigator was an alcoholic? Besides that, this one seems more likely than the rest.

4. She was abducted by people who live in the hollow earth,

So some people who live inside the earth called the agarthians kinda teleported her inside the earth just as she was about to crash. And uh she’s apparently still young because mortality just doesn’t apply in the center of the earth. Cool.

5. She was abducted by aliens.

Of course. We must have this theory. And of course there are several theories off this one but I’m just going to talk about one. So according to this one site, Amelia was abducted and taken to another planet where she was put into suspended animation, and oh yeah, there’s a civilization of humans descendent from Amelia. AWESOME!

 

Wow, one of those things happened today 78 years ago. !WOW!

What do YOU think happened to Amelia Earhart?

 

 

Best and Worst Jokes in the World

This is apparently the best joke in the world

I rate it 6/10

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

This is apparently one of the worst jokes in the world

I rate it 1/10

Contrary to what most people would say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

The worst joke has a lot of things wrong with it

  1. If a shark was riding on an elephant’s back, it would fall off, it would die because it needs water, and it just wouldn’t eat everything in sight (a goat would make a little more sense).
  2. Also, elephants don’t just purposefully go around trampling everything.
  3. The Cape Buffalo has killed more hunters than any other animal, not a shark riding on an elephant’s back.
  4. A shark riding on an elephant’s back is not an animal, it’s two animals.

The worst joke just isn’t funny at all, the best joke is at least sorta funny, but I bet there are some much better jokes in the world. I also think there are jokes that are a lot worse than that worst joke.

Deep_Thought_by_WonderDookie-500x428download

 

Reviewing Amazon Reviews

There are a lot of really weird and absurd amaon reviews. Today I’m going to review some of those reviews because a lot of them are not helpful and are simply just dumb.

 

Horizon Organic, 2% Reduced Fat Organic Milk, 32 Ounce (Pack of 6), Shelf Stable Reduced Fat Organic Milk, Great for the Pantry, Carton Locks in Fresh…

First up we have some organic 2% milk that is “great for the pantry.” Sounds like a great product that will have some really great reviews.

 

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What is going on with the wording and grammar? “unguaranteed milk”? What does sediment being “plugged into the mouths of the children” mean? I’m really worried about the “plugged into the mouths of children” thing. Are they going to choke on the milk sediment? Is she saying that sometimes you can get your kids to drink it, “plug their mouths with it”? Is this some cruel torture method? I don’t think we’ll ever know. I give this review a 2/5. This review makes me very worried for the children, whoever they are.

 

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How can you not tell that your milk is spoiled? It has pieces in it. According to wikihow there are 4 ways to tell if your milk is bad. One, does it smell bad? If it does it’s bad. From the reviews I read this milk doesn’t smell bad when it spoils for some reason so whatever. Two, if it has lumps in it, it’s bad. Three, if the color isn’t pure white it’s bad. Fourth, verify the best before date. 2/5. Please inform yourself on how to tell if milk is spoiled or not.

 

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What the heck is milk fat. I really don’t like the way that sounds. Is it cream or like something else? I’m concerned. 1/5. It leaves too many questions to be a good or helpful review.

 

Gerber 2nd Foods, Beef and Gravy, 2.5-Ounce Jars (Pack of 24)

This one is really interesting. There are A LOT of reviews saying that they fed this to their dog or cat.

 

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I just find it slightly weird that people are feeding things other than babies baby food. It’s just… weird. Also I’ve never heard baby food described as smelling delicious. Also this person says they only feed their dogs “real food” which is just such a condescending statement. Overall this is an actually helpful review though so I give it a 4/5.

 

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This one is just nasty, but I really don’t understand the low low rating because like, there are always going to be those factory mishaps. This happens with practically every food they make in a factory. Relax a little bit. This isn’t going to happen in every jar of baby food. 2/5. Too harsh.

 

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This one is just something. The all caps, the notion that it was just “ok”, and the whole throat cancer thing. It’s interesting. I mean there’s not much I can say about this. It’s a masterpiece on it’s own. 3/5 not very helpful. But your wife had throat cancer so it’s ok.

 

Overall these reviews were very bad and unhelpful. Please leave actually helpful reviews, thanks. I was going to put some science behind why people leave really stupid reviews but it’s 9:30 and I’m getting tired so this is all you get.

Review of Wikihow’s article: “How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Buy a Nice Diary”

Link to wikihow article

This is an article giving you advice about convincing your parents to let you use your own money to buy “a nice diary.”

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Think about the likely reasons your parents may say “No.” Before going into the conversation, think about the potential reasons you may get “no” as an answer. Think about how you could combat those reasons. Try to find a way to truly make your parents see the dairy is important to you.[2]

  • Your parents may worry about money. They may not want you to spend a lot of money on something they worry you won’t take care of or use. Try to think of what you could say to this. For example, “I know it’s a lot of money, but I earned it with my paper route and I promise I’ll take good care of the diary.”
  • Your parents may have other concerns. They may, for example, worry about you writing negative things in the diary, or using it to keep secrets from them. You could say something like, “I want to be able to vent somewhere on occasion, but I promise I’ll share anything important in my life with you guys.”

First of all, you don’t need to tell your parents why dairy is important to you, they obviously know that without dairy there wouldn’t be cheese, and cheese is awesome.

For the money thing, it implies that you are using your own money to buy the diary and if your parents are ok with you having “a nice diary” they should let you spend your money on it and possibly regret it later.

This second part about not wanting you to have a diary makes no sense, because the article is titled “How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Buy a Nice Diary” which implies that they are fine with you having a diary, just not a nice one, and the only understandable reason for that would be money.

4

Accept a “No” for now, if necessary. Even if you try your best to ask maturely, your parents may still stay “No.” If this is the case, accept the answer. Your parents are more likely to change their minds in the future if they see you’re able to maturely accept their rules. Say something like, “Thanks for listening anyway,” and then end the conversation.[13]

  • You can revisit the issue in a few months. Your parents may change their minds, especially if you show you can maturely handle them saying “No.”

YOU ARE RIGHT. IT’S YOUR MONEY THAT YOU HAVE EARNED. DON’T ACCEPT NO AS AN ANSWER. At this point, you’ve been asking your parents about getting a diary for a few days. You’ve apparently put a lot of thought into this and have multiple serious conversations with your parents. Do you really want to give up that easily? Tell them you are going to spend your own money to take a bus, or walk, or bike to the store and then buy the diary with your own money and come back home.

A problem I have with this article is that all the people in the pictures look like they’re at least 15, but by the time you’re 15 you probably don’t want a nice diary that badly and your parents probably won’t be so concerned about you spending $30. 

(Go look at the pictures in the article, I was going to put screenshots here but wordpress isn’t letting me)

 

 

Would You Turn a Living Cat Into a Telephone!? Well Some Guys at Princeton Did in 1929!

grey and white short fur cat
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So one day in 1929 two guys at Princeton, Ernest Wever and Charles Bray, were like “Let’s turn a cat into telephone!” and then they turned a cat into a telephone. They removed the cat’s skull and most of it’s brain to connect an electrode to the cat’s right auditory nerve. Then they connected another electrode to the cat’s body. One of them talked into the cat’s ear and the other listened at a receiver. Apparently it worked and the guy listening to the receiver could hear what the guy talking into the cat’s ear said.

Speech was transmitted with great fidelity. Simple commands, counting and the like were easily received. Indeed, under good condition the system was employed as a means of communication between operating and sound-proof rooms. (Wever and Bray 345).

Then they were like hmm why is that happening and they couldn’t quite figure it out but then they were like eh let’s just kill the cat because yeah that will make things scientific. So they killed the cat and they couldn’t hear what they said in the cat’s ear anymore and they were like yeah that means our cat phone worked.

[A]fter the death of the animal the response first diminished in intensity, and then ceased (Wever and Bray 346).

There is like some actual science behind this and you can read about it here. But it’s too hard to explain. Apparently this helped hearing aid research so thats good but a cat had to die so thats not ok. I think this experiment leaves us with more questions about the cat than it does answers to anything. Here’s a list of questions I have about the cat.

  1. Where did they get the cat from
  2. Why did the kill the cat
  3. How did they kill the cat
  4. Was it really necessary to kill the cat
  5. Why did they cut the cat’s brain out
  6. Why did they cut the cat’s skull out
  7. WHERE DID THEY GET THE CAT FROM
  8. Did the cat have a family
  9. Did the cat deserve to die
  10. How old was the cat
  11. Did they give the cat a proper viking funeral
  12. Really though what happened to the cat once it was dead

Leave your respects for the poor dead cat in the comments. Please. This cat deserved better.

HOUSE CENTIPEDES

 

House-Centipede

List of FIFTEEN (aka how many pairs of legs a house centipede has) facts about house centipedes!

  1. They can move at 1.3 feet PER SECOND.
  2. They can live for up to SEVEN years.
  3. If you’re wearing a dress one might speedily RUN TOWARDS YOU to hide under it.
  4. They like DAMP places, so if there’s a ton in your house you should make your house less damp.
  5. YOU SHOULD NOT KILL THEM because they eat harmful bugs like termites.
  6. They ARE NOT very HARMFULL to humans (unless you’re Telise), they can bite you but are unlikely to unless you’re touching them.
  7. They can grow up to SIX inches long.
  8. Female house centipedes can make ONE HUNDRED FIFTY BABY HOUSE CENTIPEDES.
  9. They hunt at NIGHT.
  10. Some people keep them as PETS.
  11. Unlike other types of centipedes, house centipedes have GOOD EYESIGHT.
  12. They are VENOMOUS.
  13. They are YELLOWISH- BROWN.
  14. Their scientific name is Scutigera Coleoptrata.
  15. They can RUN UP WALLS and along ceilings.

Here are some more pictures of house centipedes for you to look at.

house-centipede-chicago-huge-venemousB0060239_10593877house-centipede-FI-800x419

Every City in Some Random Texas County Ranked by How Good Their Website is

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  1. Temple, Texas

https://www.ci.temple.tx.us/

The first thing I noticed is the very intrusive farmer’s market banner. I mean who wouldn’t. Also everything is Very Large. They have a list of 101 things to do which is always the best. Some highlights include: “Be a kid again at the Christmas Parade” and “Make tough decisions at Maggie Moo’s Ice Cream”. They’re really selling themselves here. The website is functional but also tourist friendly which I like.

7/10 for design

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0/10 for using stock images without the watermark

7/10 overall

 

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2. Salado, Texas

http://www.salado.com/index.cfm

Apparently this is Texas’ art city. The fonts on the website seem to tell me otherwise but… I guess it’s an official title. They have ghost tours. Always a big plus. Ghosts are the best. But I mean I should come out and say it. It’s a pretty ugly site. Yet it does have a charm to it’s ugliness.  

10/10 for ghost tours

5/10 for design

3/10 for colors and font

7/10 overall

 

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3. Nolanville, Texas

http://ci.nolanville.tx.us/

Seems like a really uninteresting town. Could be wrong but that’s the impression their site gives. Just seems to be a generic website and a therefore a pretty generic town. I think their motto, “a great place to live” is perfect evidence for my theory. Their logo is impressively well designed. And so is the rest of their website.

10/10 for boringness

8/10 for design

7/10 overall

 

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4. Belton, Texas

http://www.beltontexas.gov/

There’s a video at the top of the page. That’s about the most exciting thing about this website. It’s boring. The color scheme is expected, everything about it is expected. But eh it’s functional.

8/10 for functionality

9/10 for boringness (the minus one is for the video)

6/10 overall

 
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5. Killeen, Texas

http://www.killeentexas.gov/index.php?section=36

Not remarkably bad or good. Everything is accessible enough. Thing is they have a lot of content. Like a lot. Not enough pictures. The background and header are really 90’s. It’s what I would call a “90’s utilitarian” website. Functional but pretty ugly.

3/10 for design

10/10 for being 90’s

5/10 overall

 

 

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6. Harker Heights, Texas

http://www.ci.harker-heights.tx.us/

It’s… a website. They have pet of the week which is the best. I wish my city had a pet of the week. Besides that it’s an overall reaction of eh. Their parks and recreation page is very bad! I am incredibly unimpressed. There’s a flash download button in their header so…

8/10 for being 90’s

2/10 for design

4/10 overall

 

 

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7. Troy, Texas

http://www.cityoftroy.us/default.aspx

Oh man this one’s pretty bad. It has a papyrus-esque font right smack dab in the middle of the header in like pt 100. It’s something, that’s for sure. They have a lot of pictures which I do commend. It’s incredibly unusable as well. Their biggest event seems to be the farmers market. Yipee.

2/10 for being basically functional

2/10 for design

3/10 overall

 

 

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8. Morgan’s Point Resort, Texas

https://www.morganspointresorttx.com/

From what I can tell, this town peaked in the 1960’s. The website’s also pretty bad. It’s just a masterful disaster. Everything is so bad. The font, the logo, the header, the background, the functionality, the pictures. It’s a mess. I do believe this one has the same background as Killeen, Texas? If not its very, very, similar. It does say that all the city officials are volunteers so I’ll give them a break for that but still, really?

1/10 for design

3/10 overall

7/10 for being a tourist city (points deducted because it doesn’t seem to be anymore)

 

 

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9. Rogers, Texas

https://www.cityofrogers.us/index.html

Oh man just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, this gem appeared. It is just something special. There’s a blurry logo deeming it the best kept secret in Central Texas. They have pictures of silos and trains, and suspiciously low amounts of pictures of buildings. Not much else to say.

1/10 for design

3/10 for pictures of actual buildings

2/10 overall

 

 

10. Ding Dong, Texas

The best name ever. No website though. It’s a disgrace to this wonderfully named place.

0/10 for having a website

0/10 for design

2/10 overall

 

MARGARINE BREAD

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You should make margarine bread, it is the best bread ever. https://www.allrecipes.com/personal-recipe/64707360/margarine-bread/  yum….. Make sure to leave a review!

List of TEN (plus one) reasons to make margarine bread:

  1. It’s amaing
  2. you can make it at home (in Kalamaoo)
  3. you only have to go to the dollar store once
  4. the margarine only costs one dollar
  5. the margarine and tonic water will GLOW IN THE DARK
  6. It kind of feels like playdough
  7. IT is important
  8. you can learn who your true allies are by offering them the bread
  9. It doesn’t taste terrible
  10. There will be improvements made to the recipe soon..
  11. It is GREAT with egg jelly

Please make the margarine bread. You won’t regret it. We promise.